Customer Service…

I think by now we all should know that I work in a bar. Well, it’s more of a pub occasionally trying to impersonate a bar if truthful. Whilst the job itself isn’t that bad, some of the customers I have to serve, well, are.

I present to you: Carly’s guide to annoying customers.

Annoying type of customer number one: Mr. Smile.
So you’ve spent a good eight or nine hours on your feet, you’ve served beer to the 1,000th plebeian in a row that day and the pub is such a tip you know you’re going home an extra half an hour later - just because you have to clear someone else’s needless mess up off the tables. And what will that one, irritating customer (usually male) say to you? Smile. It’s one word. One annoying, blood boiling, frustrating word. After hearing it you want to shout: why? Why? Why on earth should I smile? You will get your beer just as fast without a smile. You will get it just as perfectly served. For heavens sakes – No, I am not in a bad mood, no, I am not bored. I’m just formulating a plan to get out of here on time. I will still say please, thank you and cheers to you. So why must I smile?

If you were nice, or just if I wanted to, I would be smiling! But instead, because I’m polite, I have to force a grin, let out a little laugh and secretly despise the cretin on front of me.

Annoying type of customer number two: Mr. I-Will-Disagree.
Finally, it’s ten to twelve. We’re ringing last orders. The bell has been rung. We serve s few customers and time passes. It’s now midnight. We now ring time. Technically, legally we don’t have to ring any bells at all. And we only don’t ring it if one of us doesn’t notice the time. If we want, we can tell you its last orders at 2 in the afternoon. Most people understand that. There is always the one (again usually male) that disagrees – the dialogue always goes as follows:

Him: I’ll have a pint of…
Me: We’ve just rang time, sorry – we’re now closed.
Him: But you just rang the bell.
Me: Yes – that was time.
Him: But you just rang the bell. I didn’t hear you ring it before that?
Me: Well we did/No, we don’t technically have to.
Him: Well I never heard the bell before this, so I want a drink.
Me: Well you can’t. We just rang time.
Him….

It goes on until someone else backs up my point or I walk away in frustration.

Annoying type of customer number three: Mrs. I-Ordered-Before-Them.
It’s unexpectedly busy. A lot of food was put through at the same time buy three different people. So if you’re in a massive (usually hen) party ordering breakfast one-by-one and someone else is putting through food on another till, certain orders will come out before yours. No, this doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about you. No, this doesn’t mean I’ve made a mistake. No, this certainly doesn’t mean you can have a whole pitcher of pimms and lemonade for free.

Even, at other times of the day, common sense should tell you that a simple salad or microwave meal will only take 4/5 minutes to make –unlike a burger which could take up to 15/20 minutes to properly cook. So please refrain from asking me why the other table got their food first. Yours is still on the grill. It’s actually quite impossible to miss orders out. They’re all displayed electronically on a massive screen.

So to surmise, even though I am all for good customer service, and hey – I have badges to prove it, I believe that the customers themselves should just try to be good too.

We’re only human, we get paid peanuts and we work our hardest to try and make your visit more comfortable and enjoyable. So please remember this instead of trying to disagree with me when I won’t serve you after hours or when you’ve had enough. Don’t tip half your drink over the table, throw the menus around and leave the table caked in cigarette ash because that makes me unhappy and no, I won’t want to smile.

  A Little Rant